


Congratulations

by jishushoshua



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst?, M/M, jaepil, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 04:22:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17460557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jishushoshua/pseuds/jishushoshua
Summary: Wonpil has a fear of realizing that he's alone, and Jae might have or might have not made it worse.





	Congratulations

**Author's Note:**

> So this is basically a mess, I'm warning you lmao
> 
> I just got so addicted (again) to Congratulations coz that song's really bEauTifuL (and I foccing miss Junhyeok)

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ December 6, 2017 | 09:04 AM

 

 

“Hey Jae!”

A voice that had grown unfamiliar over the years called his name, which, if he didn’t moved to America the past two years wouldn’t have made him turn his head to know that it was Brian.

 

“How’s it been?”

Brian (or Young K, as he preferred to be called) asked the moment he got his arm slung across Jae’s shoulders.

 

“Good. But I’ve always wanted to come here those past years. America didn’t feel like home to me, honestly. I’ve always hoped I’d get back here in Seoul sooner. I didn’t, though.”

He sighed. Those two years in America, it didn’t feel like he had expected. It didn’t feel like his home, maybe because he had left home the moment he decided to go there.

 

Wonpil was his home. That’s why.

 

“Oh. Two whole years of homesickness, eh? Don’t worry. Now that you’re back here, I’ll bring all of us boys out.”

Young K assured him.

 

“Was that an SN-”

 

“No, it wasn’t a Girl’s Generation reference. Shut up.”

Young K snapped before Jae could speak. He shut up. Surprisingly.

 

“But can you… not tell Wonpil?”

Jae asked Young K after about five minutes of silence.

 

“Why?” Brian frowned. As far as he know, Jae and Wonpil weren’t the kind of people to hold grudges after a break-up.

 

“I’m just… not ready to see him again. And maybe he isn’t too.”

Jae replied, his head bowed down.

 

“Well, actually, he had been distant for a year. I mean, that year when you left, he stayed with us, we continued our band as Day4,” Young K chuckled at the name. “But after that, he said he wants to stop playing. And he kinda like, poof. Like he vanished.”

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ April 13, 2016 | 07:03 PM

 

“We can just talk to each other through Skype, Wonpil.”

Jae said, trying to convince the younger man to let him study abroad.

 

Of course, study abroad. Those cliche scenarios in movies and love stories that they both used to laugh at.

 

Jae never thought it could happen. They never thought it could happen. Not to them.

 

Unfortunately, it did.

 

“Hyung, I don’t think I can do this. I can’t do this. Let’s just stop here.”

Wonpil was on the verge of crying. Ten years. Ten years of love and friendship. After fighting for their love that their parents was opposed to, after proving that gender doesn’t and shouldn’t really matter, after being in each other’s arms comfortably for those ten years, this is what ruined them.

 

His fears. His immaturity.

 

Him.

 

Wonpil finally broke down in tears, as he was reminded of what he is. Weak.

 

He knows he can’t call Jae via Skype. Seeing Jae away from him when he can’t do anything but miss him so bad, he knows it would drive him into insanity. Long distance calls doesn’t comfort him or give him the assurance of coming back, but instead reminds him of being alone, of being abandoned, something he fears to realize by himself.

 

“Would you… wait for me then?”

Jaehyung asked, stopping his urge to cry. Wonpil is undeniably his weakness. Wonpil is his home. And there’s nothing more painful than seeing his home crumble down from roof to floor, leaving nothing but broken blocks, gravel and sand.

 

“No. You know how I am, hyung. You know what my fear is. I don’t want to be reminded that you are gone. That I am left alone. I can’t do this, Jae.”

Wonpil sobbed into Jaehyung’s chest.

 

Jae hugged Wonpil tighter, engulfing the younger guy in his arms, with his warmth telling him that he was still here, that he would never be alone, even if they would soon be far apart.

 

“I’ll understand if you try to love someone else, Wonpil.” Jae smiled.

 

“Stop yourself from being lonely. I’d even be happy for you. But just know that when I come back, I will do everything to have you again. Even if you are in the arms of someone else.”

 

“I don’t know. Let’s just… end this here.”

Wonpil said, although like those cliche lines he had always read in books, his heart speaks the total opposite. But well, maybe he can move on from Jaehyung in the span of two years, right?

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ December 6, 2017 | 09:53 AM

 

“Sungjin said he couldn’t come today. Will tomorrow be okay?”

Young K asked Jaehyung, holding his phone against his ears.

 

“Of course. Any day is okay, man.”

Jae laughed.

 

“Did you hear that?!” Brian shouted into the phone.

 

[Yes! yes! I did! Stop shouting, punk.]

Sungjin said on the other.

 

Jaehyung shook his head while chuckling at the two other guys’ little fight over the phone.

 

“Oh! I know.” Young K said after hanging up, as if a light bulb suddenly popped up and glowed in his head.

 

“Let’s go to drum.”

He grinned.

 

“Who’s drum?”

Jaehyung asked, but Young K just gave him a teasing smirk.

 

“Guess who.” Young K cackled.

 

__I can’t remember Wonpil being called “drum” tho.__  

Jae thought, assuming it was Wonpil, from the looks Brian was giving him.

 

 

 

“Yes, I love drums. I like drum. I am drum.”

Dowoon chanted, hitting every surface he sees with his drum sticks, even if it was the top of Young K’s head.

 

“Oww, you lil’ squid. Who said you could hit people like that?”

Brian scowled.

 

“I haven’t been informed that you’re part of people.”

Dowoon deadpanned, and Brian picked up Tyson on the side, threatening to hit Dowoon with it.

 

“So you’re drum?”

Jae let out a small laugh, interrupting the two before they get on with a war-of-the-century fight with the drum sticks and the guitar.

 

“Yep.”

Dowoon answered.

 

“I thought it was-”

 

“Wonpil?”

Young K said before he could even finish. Jae only nodded.

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ December 20, 2017 | 07:12 PM

 

Days passed like minutes and hours like seconds. The few weeks have been in a blur for Jaehyung except for one thing - or person. Wonpil. He had seen him two days after he came back to Seoul, and the day after he, Brian, Dowoon and Sungjin went out.

 

Wonpil was too busy tossing grocery items into his basket that day so he didn’t notice Jae following him quietly.

 

Jae was about to surprise him, but the thing is, Wonpil wasn’t alone. He was with another guy.

 

When Jaehyung was thinking of hugging Wonpil from behind, another guy had already did that to Wonpil. The younger didn’t look back at who hugged him, seeming as if he had been so used to those arms around his waist already.

 

__Probably his new boyfirend. Or who knows? Maybe his third or fourth._ _

Jaehyung thought.

 

He wasn’t bitter about the fact that Wonpil had another boyfriend after him, but maybe about the fact that Wonpil seemed, really, really happy. Without him.

 

Well, actually he don’t know why he was bitter after all. He told Wonpil before he left that he’d be happy if Wonpil would try and find another guy so that he wouldn’t be alone, and that when he comes back, he’d take Wonpil back even if he’s in the arms of another guy.

 

But maybe that’s why he’s upset. He can’t take Wonpil back when he seems so damn happy in the arms of that guy.

 

Maybe he was too scared, that when he shows up too suddenly, Wonpil would again remember how he was left by Jae, how he had that depression and panic attacks that he fought not with Jae, but with Sungjin, Brian and Dowoon instead. All of those friends who didn’t leave Wonpil’s side when Jaehyung did.

 

Wonpil has a fear of being alone or left alone, and realizing that he was. Jae told him to take psychotherapy, but Wonpil didn’t like that either, so he refused. That was why they can’t talk to each other on Skype. Wonpil would remember that Jaehyung is away, that Jaehyung is far from him, and that he’s alone. That Jaehyung left him alone.

 

So if Jaehyung shows up again, Wonpil might have a panic attack or break down again, remembering how Jae left him that day.

 

 

“What the prick, dude? You stalked Wonpil? I mean, he’s your ex. Would it mean so much to him if he sees you while he’s with another guy?” Sungjin laughed. “If he had moved on, and if you also had, it wouldn’t be awkward with the two of you anymore. You don’t have to follow him but hide from him too. And it’s kinda creepy, you know?”

 

“I don’t care, man. I might stop later on though. Give me my cereal.”

Jae answered.

 

“Jae it’s literally 7 PM right now, why the fuck are you asking for cereals?”

Brian chortled, tossing a rotten apple into the trash bin.

 

“Wow, my mother’s cookies!”

Dowoon mused, peeking inside the refrigerator.

 

“You don’t care. C’mon Sungjin. It’s unfair that Dowoon gets to eat cookies while I’m starved to death. I thought-”

 

“Thought we promised we wouldn’t make Jaehyung hungry when he comes back from the states. Man, you pout like a two-year old stop that shit.”

Sungjin cut him off, but nevertheless moving to get some cereals for Jae who was really pouting like a child.

 

“Hey, did MarkSon happen in ASC?”

Jae randomly asked.

 

“Dude, what. Shut up. Or talk about Wonpil instead. I wanna hear some teen-age girl screechings.”

Young K said.

 

“I don’t do teen-age-girl-screechings things. I do flipping-the-sofa-over-while-doing-handstands-and-baking-eggs things.”

He answered with a bored look.

 

“You don’t bake eggs, sweetie.”

Sungjin said, putting down a bowl of cereal in front of Jaehyung.

 

“Thanks. And who said you don’t bake eggs? I do. They just taste like rotten plastic.”

 

“Plastics don’t rot.”

 

“I know. That’s why the eggs taste amazing. Unbelievable.”

 

 

     He lied in his bed that night with troubles circling around his mind, taking over his last braincell and reminding him of Wonpil, who looked so happy without him. Maybe he’s moved on, after all these years.

 

Those sincere smiles he had been giving to that, whoever it is that Wonpil always have beside him. Those golden laughs he so long wanted to hear in those two years he spent in the States. Those grins, those sparkling eyes, those cuddles and those happy dates. Those playful times when the two had been tickling each other and running after one another at the park.

 

Jaehyung witnessed it all, with his glassy eyes brimming with tears behind his round glasses. He used to be the one seeing and experiencing all of that. Now it was someone else.

 

Guess it’ll be another sleepless night for him.

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ December 21, 2017 | 08:34 AM

 

“Hey, Nayeon and Mina are gonna throw a Christmas party at their house on 24th. You should come. And bring a date.”

Sungjin told Jae, his eyebrows moving up and down.

 

“And who am I supposed to bring?” He asked. “Wonpil has his boyfriend already.”

 

“I’m not telling you to bring Wonpil man.” Sungjin laughed. “You can go there alone. I’m just kidding ‘bout the part that you should bring a date. And hey, Wonpil’s coming. You should try to talk to him, at least. Stalking him like a creep doesn’t help.”

 

Jaehyung rolled his eyes, but he knew he wants to talk to Wonpil himself, even if Sungjin didn’t suggest that.

 

 

“Hey, Brian. What time would the party start?”

Jae asked the guy who was currently cleaning the toilet. Young K turned around to face him.

 

“What the hell was that?” Jaehyung laughed hysterically.

 

The man had layers of tissue paper wrapped around his head from the bridge of his nose down to his chin and secured by masking tape.

 

“Are you a freaking mummy?” He chortled loudly, even pointing a finger at the seemingly helpless figure.

 

“He said it was for emergency purposes. In case he breaks the toilet like that girl from Finding Nemo.”

Dowoon, who was just passing by, said. Jae shook his head at the ridiculous situation.

 

“Dude, did you steal my Finding Nemo cd again? Man, I told you that was my private property! I’m not taking you to Walmart next month.”

Jae frowned like some kid.

 

“How about you? Do you know when the party will start?” He asked Dowoon instead.

 

“About 8 PM. Why do you ask? Wouldn’t you come with Young K?” The youngest said, opening the fridge and getting his mother’s cookies.

 

“Nope. And I’m not thirdwheeling with you and your boyfriend Bob either.”

 

**_**_(The author of this fic ships Dowoon and Sungjin thank you.)_ ** _ **

 

**_**** _ **

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ December 24, 2017 | 07:25 PM

 

“Wonpil! Come back here you naughty prick!”

A guy was running after a figure very familiar to Jae. The tall, blue-haired boy wanted to run too and just hug that figure from behind, just like he used to do before, when they were baking cookies or writing a song, but that was before. That wasn’t the case now.

 

Another guy was meant to hug Wonpil now. Another guy was meant to be with Wonpil now. It clearly wasn’t Jae anymore.

 

Jae looked around, trying to divert his attention from Wonpil.

 

The party was… wonderful. There were no chairs, just tables like in bars except those few couches and stools near the pool where several girls were sitting. Streamers in different colors hang from the white strings tied to trees and meeting at one point, the silver pole at the center of the wide yard. Music was blasting in full volume from the big speakers, and many people were already drinking and dancing. The party lights reflected by the many sparkling decorations shone on him the moment he stepped foot inside the backyard, and the thousand shining stars and the moon added light to that, but he is feeling not a least bit of happiness and brightness at this moment.

 

Not when he sees Wonpil who had completely moved on from him.

 

He tried staying at the party, really. Standing there at one corner while conversing with other people, telling them those requested stories of what New York was like, were there many beautiful places or even ladies. To be honest, he didn’t even noticed all of that. He was too busy missing Wonpil.

 

But despite how hard he tried to stay, he can’t bear seeing Wonpil at another side of the yard, smiling and laughing brighter than ever, his arms linked with his boyfriend. Wonpil clearly was too happy now. Without Jae.

 

Despite the bright and lively atmosphere he’s at, Jaehyung’s heart was nothing but broken and crying. Dead. Lifeless.

 

“Congratulations, Wonpil.” He smiled bitterly as he said those words to himself, somehow hoping that the cold night air could deliver those to Wonpil.

 

__Of course, another sleepless night._ _

He thought as he turned his back to leave the party, the people, and everything else behind. If only he can also leave his love for Wonpil and their memories just like that.

 

Sure.

 

Wonpil is his air, but he’ll get used to not breathing.

 

He’ll get over him, as slowly as losing his breath.

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ January 12, 2018 | 08:16 PM

 

“Jae!”

He was surprised when someone hugged him from the back.

 

But it would be an understatement to say that he was surprised all the more when he saw and realized who that person is.

 

His air, when he’s already in the middle of dying.

 

“Oh.” Wonpil muttered, breaking the hug. “Who is he?”

Wonpil forced a smile, asking Jae as if he doesn’t already have a good guess of who that another guy beside Jae is.

 

“Oh, uh… he is Hanwoo. My boyfriend.”

Jae answered, reluctantly looking over to the guy beside him. Wonpil knew it. Jae had must have moved on too fast.

 

For ten years of knowing and loving Wonpil, Jae immediately sensed the stiffening of Wonpil’s heart, the fast blinks Wonpil made with his eyes, the joy in there that was quickly replaced by shock and hurting.

 

He just hurt Wonpil.

 

“Congratulations, hyung. You moved on so fast.”

Wonpil walked away, turning around just in time to not let Jae see his tears fall.

 

And Jaehyung stood, trying to fight the urge of breathing again.

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ January 13, 2018 | 11:32 AM

 

“You’re so dumb, Jae hyung!” Dowoon disbelievingly looked at him.

 

“Wonpil broke up with his boyfriend the moment he found out that you’ve came back from the States.” Brian said, as if stating a fact, which he was.

 

Jae almost choked on his cup of water.

 

“Won-Wonpil did that?”

He asked, eyes almost popping out of their sockets.

 

“Yes, you piece of brick-headed chicken. And here you are, with a boyfriend you don’t even know if you love or not.”

Sungjin rolled his eyes, hitting Jae’s head with a box of oats.

 

“Shut up Bob the builder.” Jae frowned.

 

“No, you shut up. You hurt our Wonpil. Did you know that Wonpil only had four boyfriends including Jihyun, that guy he just broke up with? All of them only because he can’t be alone. Just because he wanted to forget about you even just for a short while. But look at him quickly coming back to you even after he had tried to move on for two years. Wonpil fucking loves you so much. You have to apologize to him. Fix this mess.” Sungjin rolled his eyes again.

 

“But Sungjin… I’ve… I think I have moved on.”

Jaehyung quietly said.

 

“What the fuck?”

Dowoon asked in utter shock, amost dropping Do and Woon, his drum sticks, on the floor.

 

“I think I’ve moved on from Wonpil, now. I… love Hanwoo.”

He repeated. He already died. He succeeded in losing his air. He’ll surely get used to being dead, right?

 

“And besides, you all don’t know if Wonpil have already changed or what. Maybe it wasn’t me that made him broke up with that Jihyun. And he had moved on from me. I’m sure of it.”

 

“Man, I don’t know. But I might or might not have helped Wonpil when I saw him crying and having a panic attack at the park yesterday.”

Young K stared at Jae. And for the second time, he surprisingly made Jaehyung - even Sungjin and Dowoon - shut up.

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ January 19, 2018 | 01:42 PM

 

   One. Two. Three knocks.

Still, there was no answer from inside the house. Jae was sweating profusely as he stood on Wonpil’s doorstep, thinking about whether Wonpil could ever forgive him or what.

 

He only gained the courage to do this after 2 weeks, but well, at least he did, right? Although he spent yet so many sleepless nights thinking about Wonpil, if the boy was really having panic attacks because of him.

 

Gathering all of it, the courage he gained, he knocked on the wooden door three more times and waited. Still, no answer.

That’s when he decided to call out.

 

“Wonpil?”

His voice was soft, but loud enough for Wonpil to hear even if he was in his bedroom upstairs.

 

Jae heard footsteps down the stairs and lazy drags of feet against Wonpil’s velvety carpet getting louder, and the door was opened.

 

It revealed Wonpil in a slightly large T-Shirt, and pajama pants, and Jae assumed he just woke up from sleep. But more than that, what Jaehyung noticed was Wonpil’s shirt. It was __his__. It was Jae’s T-Shirt.

 

Wonpil was close to crying, seeing the man who broke his heart into million pieces everyday in front of him, standing at his doorstep, with eyes pleading and filled with apology.

 

“I’m…” Jae started, but he was cut off by Wonpil.

 

“Hi, Jae hyung!”

Wonpil said happily, hugging Jae. But if he wasn’t mistaken, if Wonpil hadn’t changed, Jae can feel pain in Wonpil’s smile, and longing in his hug. And he hopes he was wrong. He hopes Wonpil had already moved on from him.

 

Because he had. He was already over Wonpil.

 

“Wonpil… you’re… have you been crying?”

Jae worriedly said. Wonpil looked so sick, with dark patches under his puffy eyes.

 

“No. Of course not. Why would I?”

Wonpil chuckled. “Would you like to have a drink? I have some juice inside.”

 

“No, I’m fine. I just wanted to apologize to you.”

Jae said, his heartbeats getting faster. Wonpil looked him in the eye, as if searching for a confirmation that Jae was sincere, his own eyes slowly being filled with tears.

 

“You know, for all the pain that I’ve caused you. Before, and until now. I left you alone before… and then I just popped up back in your life like that, and with Hanwoo already. I must have hurt you really bad, and I-I’m sorry for that. I know I’m a dumbass for hurting you, Wonpil and for not being able to do anything but apologize.”

Jaehyung took Wonpil’s hands in his, looking at Wonpil’s eyes unconsciously with the way he used to look at them before.

 

“It was hard to move on from you… Wonpil. But I guess I have to, because you were already so happy without me. And I’m the main cause of your pain, so I’m… I tried so hard to get over you, and it meant dying to me. But I’ve always told you that I’d die for you, right? So although you were my breath, I’m ready to lose you, to die, so you could be happy with someone better. I’m dying for you, Wonpil. Would you… let me go?”

He asked, immediately sending Wonpil on the verge of crying.

 

__No, hyung. Never._ _

Wonpil thought.

 

“Wonpil!”

A voice that was unfamiliar to Jae called from behind them.

 

“Wh- Sungjin!” Wonpil said, wiping his tears that were just about to fall.

 

__Wait, what?__  

Jae asked himself and turned around to see if it was really Sungjin there. He couldn’t remember Sungjin’s voice sounding like that.

 

Oh, it wasn’t the Sungjin he thought it was. It was another person.

 

 

“J-Jae hyung, this is Sungjin,” Wonpil said once the guy was beside him. “my… boyfriend.”

 

Jae squinted, almost ready to laugh at the situation. Wonpil’s new boyfriend was named Sungjin?!

 

He can’t wait to tell that “Bob Sungjin” the news. And maybe even Dowoon would be shocked.

 

“Oh, hi. I’m Jae. Wonpil’s… friend.” Jae smiled, waving at the Sungjin guy.

 

So Wonpil really had moved on from him. He’s glad. Maybe he wouldn’t have trouble dying at all, now.

 

“Congratulations to you both.” He grinned.

 

“Thanks. Congratulations to you and Hanwoo, too.”

Wonpil replied, his heart shattering again seeing Jae grin like that.

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ January 21, 2018 | 07:25 AM

 

   Jae woke up to the sound of the keyboard, which sent him out of bed as fast as lightning, and running out to the living room of Sungjin and Dowoon’s shared apartment (actually only Dowoon’s apartment but Sungjin was a clingy fucker so he stayed there more often tha he stayed at his own “house”.). He chose to sleep here last night, because Young K didn’t come home, and it’s not like their apartment was just a door away from Jae’s. Really. Isn’t like that.

 

“Junhyeok?!”

Jae screamed as he ran out of his room, forgetting to put on his spectacles in his rush.

 

Did Junhyeok come back already? That pianist needs to explain why he so suddenly left them before and let them be Day5 instead.

 

Well, now they’re only Day4. Wonpil seemed like he’s not going back to their band now.

 

 

Or so Jae thought.

 

“Jae hyung!”

Wonpil greeted, stopping in playing the keyboard.

 

“Do you miss Junhyeok too much?”

Young K laughed.

 

Jae narrowed his eyes at the rapper. So that prick also went home last night? And then maybe he realized Jae wasn’t in their apartment so he came here.

 

“We all do, Burrrrian.”

He replied, teasing Young K with the exaggerated ‘Brian’.

 

“Besides aren’t you the one who’s head-over-heels for Junhyeok?”

 

**_**_(The author of this fic stans OT6 and ships Junhyeok and Brian thank you.)_ ** _ **

 

Young K shot him a glare.

 

“Hi, Wonpil.” Jae greeted Wonpil back, finally. Wonpil smiled, the smile that used to melt Jae before, but it seemed like it didn’t have an effect to him anymore.

 

“Anyone who wants egg and ham for breakfast?”

Sungjin called out from the kitchen, and in a second they were screaming “Me!” in chorus, Dowoon even repeating it while hopping towards the kitchen.

 

“I’ll help you cook, hyung.”

Dowoon said, getting a pan from the counter.

 

“Wow, domestic.”

Young K laughed.

 

“Burrrian, you need to shut up.”

Sungjin said, copying the way Jae said “Brian” earlier. Young K rolled his eyes and plopped down on the couch.

 

“Oh, I’ll just get my eyeglasses.”

Jae said, realizing his blurry vision after a minute of just staring down at Wonpil’s hands playing the keyboard.

 

 

   “1, 2, 3, hey!”

Jae said, and actually that’s somewhere between saying and shouting but you don’t care because it’s Jae the crackhead who did it.

 

Dowoon began banging the drums, and after some time Sungjin strummed his guitar, giving Jae the hint that he should start singing.

 

__“I don’t even know how I can talk to you now…”_ _

He began with the lyrics, and somehow, it looked so familiar to him. Like he had seen it somewhere else.

 

__“I thought we were meant to be, I thought that you belong to me._ _

__I’ll play the fool instead, oh but then I know that this is the end…”_ _

Sungjin sang, and Wonpil and Young K began playing their instruments too.

 

__“Congratulations glad you’re doing great,_ _

__Congratulations how are you okay?_ _

__How could you be so fine? Could see it your eyes_ _

__The same look that you give me, that kills me inside.”_ _

Jae stood, just playing his guitar according to the right chords, but he understands the lyrics, and somehow it shoots straight to him, to his heart, and it dawned to him that those lyrics were written by him.

 

He wrote those lyrics when he was still breathing, when he still was heartbroken over Wonpil.

 

Slowly, as Wonpil sang his part, Jae lost himself inside his memories.

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ December 21, 2017 | 08:25 PM

 

   “I thought we were meant to be.”

 

He whispered, writing down those words as soon as they left his lips.

 

Each word was written with his emotions, his frustration over himself, over Wonpil, over their love, which he thought was the strongest among all.

 

He thought Wonpil belonged to him, and only to him. He thought Wonpil could only fit inside his arms, but he fitted much better in that guy’s. He thought Wonpil would go back to him all at once, but no. He was happy with his boyfriend that he might have even forgotten Jae already.

 

“I’ll play the fool instead, oh but then I know that this is the end.”

He heard Young K, who just entered the bedroom to changed his clothes, sing.

 

He wrote it down too, as it perfectly suited the song.

 

He was fooling himself that maybe Wonpil could still have some love left for him, that maybe they could still make up. But then, Wonpil had already told him before, __“Let’s just end this here.”__

 

__‘Congratulations, glad you’re doing great_ _

__Congratulations, how are you okay?_ _

__How could you be so fine, I could see it in your eyes_ _

__The same look that you gave me, that kills me inside_ _

__

__I don’t even need to ask, yeah_ _

__I knew you too damn well, yeah_ _

__I-’_ _

 

“Jae hyung!”

Young K, who finished changing his shirt called, diverting Jae’s attention from writing the song.

 

“Aren’t you going to Sungjin and Dowoon’s unit? We’re playing monopoly. Also Sungjin said he’s baking cookies.”

 

Jae stood up at the mention of cookies, leaving his notebook and pen, and Young K behind as he rushed out of their unit and went to Sungjin and Dowoon’s.

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ January 21, 10:04 AM

 

    _ _I never finished that song…__

Jae thought. When he came back to their unit with Young K that night, he could remember closing his notebook and putting it on top of his small cabinet, and then he never did opened that notebook again.

 

__Ugh, Brian._ _

He groaned in his mind. Young K must have found that unfinished song.

 

And did Sungjin and Dowoon gave melody to that crap? Why did they finish that trash he wrote?

 

He’s over Wonpil, he don’t need to sing that song now.

 

“Hyung? Are you okay? It’s your part.”

Wonpil said, waking Jae up from his thoughts.

 

“Oh, uh. Who finished this song? I wrote this. But it didn’t need to be finished, really. It was supposed to go to the tras-”

 

“Shut up, chicken little. It was good, so we finished it. And hey you didn’t sing your next part, how can I rap the rap I wrote? It was for Junhyeok, punk. I want to rap that!”

Young K complained. It was true that he did write the rap, but all the other lyrics, Wonpil was the one behind those.

 

“Me. I finished the song. Sungjin and Dowoon thought of the melody so I can write the next lyrics.”

Wonpil grinned. A well-practiced grin. A grin that even Jae couldn’t tell was a painful one, although he knows Wonpil too damn well, yeah.

 

“Oh… okay, I’m sorry. And hey, it turned out pretty good, Wonpil.”

He smiled at Wonpil, and Wonpil wished he could forget that smile, even at least for once.

 

Because that smile’s the smile Jae used to give him before, but it just hurt Wonpil more now.

 

Because of that damn smile, he’s beginning to think that Jae still doesn’t want to lose him, that Jae still loves him even if they both have their own boyfriends now. And he doesn’t want to think of it, because he knows that he could be just fooling himself, and he’d be the only one hurt in the end.

 

Well, isn’t he already hurting now?

 

 

“Okay, Wonpil, it’s your part.”

Sungjin said. They were practicing each part of the song and familiarizing themselves with the melody of the song, because they decided - more like Sungjin, Dowoon, and Young K decided and JaePil didn’t, but majority wins - that “Congratulations” would be the song they’ll play for the “Battle of The Bands” this February.

 

__“I hate that you’re happy,_ _

__I hope that you can’t sleep_ _

__Just knowing that I could be with somebody new,_ _

__That I’d be just like you.”_ _

Wonpil sang, putting all of the pain he was feeling into the lyrics.

 

He hates that Jae was with Hanwoo. That Jae wasn’t with him. He hopes Jae couldn’t sleep at night when he thinks of Wonpil being with Jihyun or Sungjin. He hopes that Jae was hurting like him too, that Jae still longs for him too, just like he does.

 

“Jae hyung.”

Sungjin whispered.

 

__“So hey, there’s a couple things I should say to you,_ _

__I promise I’ll be good if I could be yeah_ _

__I’m sorry I’m not sorry_ _

__I can’t be happy for you now.”_ _

How he wishes Jae sang that for him, that Jae wasn’t happy he wasn’t with him. That Jae wasn’t happy he got another boyfriend after Jihyun.

 

__Of course, just keep on your wishful thinking, Wonpil._ _

He told himself.

 

Wishful thinking. That’s all he can do now.

 

__“…when I come back, I will do everything to have you again. Even if you are in the arms of someone else.”_ _

Bullshit. Why isn’t Jae taking him back now?

 

Why is Jae so happy with Hanwoo?

 

Why did Jae asked him to let him go? Why did Jae move on like that?

 

How can Jae be okay?

 

When he’s stuck, for two years and until now, still hoping that Jae would take him back from all the boyfriends he had tried to replace Jae with?

 

How can Jaehyung bear to die, to lose Wonpil, whom he claimed to be his breath, when Wonpil was still hoping that Jae would choose to live again so the breath that he was could have some worth again? How can Jae die just to set Wonpil free, when all Wonpil wanted was to be Jae’s?

 

He wanted to be Jae’s everything. He wanted to be Jae’s breath, the one who keeps him alive. But why, now he was everything but Jae’s.

 

Jae told him he’s losing him, that he’s losing his breath.

 

But really, Jae didn’t lost him.

 

He lost Jae.

 

“ _ _Congratulations, so you win again,__

__Congratulations, you just took away_ _

__Our memories so far,_ _

__They’re gone just like you are_ _

__Now all I have is me and it’s getting too hard.”_ _

 

Wonpil sang, as a single teardrop fell from his face to the piano keys.

 

__“I saw it on your face, yeah_ _

__I knew you too damn well, yeah_ _

__I heard you laugh and know that you did more than move on.”_ _

 

Jae remembered those smiles on Wonpil’s face when he was with Jihyun. He knew Wonpil had moved on.

 

And he, hating all of the sleepless nights he had because of thinking of Wonpil, had thought he should move on too.

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ February 13, 09:24 PM

 

   “Congratulations, to us! Day6!”

Sungjin said.

 

Junhyeok came back less than a week ago, making “Day5” Day6 again, and shutting Young K up in his rants and heartbroken quotes he got from nowhere.

 

Wonpil wondered why he and Jae couldn’t be like that. Why they couldn’t make up just like Junhyeok and Young K, who had been apart from each other for four years, but were now cuddled up against each other as they share a blanket.

 

But maybe it was also his fault. Because of his fears, he had tried to replace Jae, although he didn’t succeed in doing so.

 

Day6 raised their glasses for a toast, celebrating their win on the Battle of The Bands earlier.

 

“Dowoon was so good at playing the drums.”

Sungjin said, smiling at Dowoon, who smiled back at him.

 

“You really sing so beautifully, too. I was only focusing on your voice.”

Dowoon replied, his smile getting wider.

 

“Eyy, stop that sweetness.”

Young K laughed at the couple.

 

“Says the one who was clinging to Junhyeok since earlier.”

Sungjin countered. Young K was about to say a comeback but Junhyeok covered his mouth.

 

“Uhh, excuse me, I have to go.”

Wonpil suddenly said, standing up, his eyes already bringing with tears.

 

“W-Why? Are you alright?”

Sungjin immediately rose to his feet, Dowoon following him.

 

“I just… Sungjin broke up with me.”

Wonpil said before rushing out.

 

Everyone except Junhyeok, who furrowed his brows, widened their eyes and turned to Jae.

 

“W-What?”

The startled guy asked.

 

“Wait, Sungjin- you were with- Dowoon- Sung- what?”

Junhyeok confusedly asked, his gaze switching between Sungjin and Dowoon’s faces.

 

“It was a different Sungjin.”

Young K said, enlightening Junhyeok.

 

“Wouldn’t you follow Wonpil?”

Dowoon asked Jae.

 

Jae nodded and suddenly sprinted out of the unit, because he knew himself, that he wanted to follow Wonpil too.

 

 

˹seoul, south korea˼

－ February 13, 10:28 AM

 

   “Wonpil… it’s okay… you would be fine. Listen to me. Breathe. You are not alone.” Jae said to Wonpil, hoping to calm the boy from his panic attack.

 

Wonpil struggled to breathe, one of his hands clutching his chest while the other was holding onto Jae’s arm.

 

Jae himself was starting to panic, seeing Wonpil shake so much while having a hard time breathing. He sees himself like this, only it is that he tried so hard to not breathe, while Wonpil was struggling for his breath.

 

“Wonpil, calm down, okay? I’m here. I won’t leave you alone. You wouldn’t be alone. I’m here. I wouldn’t leave you.”

Jae hugged the shaking Wonpil tight, but also loosely enough to let Wonpil breathe.

 

“Sungjin left me. I-I am alone, now, hyung.” Wonpil cried. “I-I’m alone… again.”

 

“No, Wonpil. I’m here. You are not alone. Shhh.”

He said softly, slowly caressing Wonpil’s sweaty back as he began saying those words like a chant.

 

“I am here, Wonpil. You are not alone. I wouldn’t leave you. Don’t cry. I am here.”

 

He knew Wonpil too damn well. He knew how to calm Wonpil too damn well.

 

He pressed his lips against Wonpil’s forehead, closing his eyes that were threatening to brim with tears. And behind his eyelids that were closed shut, in that very moment of silence, with just their breaths blending to form a melody, a sad tune that resembled the loneliness of two broken hearts finding each other but resisting the urge to fix their pieces, Jae felt again what it was like to be missed, and to miss someone so bad that it drives him to insanity.

 

A wave of nostalgia washed over them both, taking them back to the time when all they have was each other, fighting against their parents, for their love that what almost everybody said was “not right”, telling each other that they wouldn’t let go, that they’ll stay in each other’s arms, having those irrational fights that were solved with sweet kisses, and those anniversary celebrations with fireworks and balloons.

 

It was as if they were suddenly inside a time machine, and it brings them back to the past. Those early days when it’s just like this, Jae calming Wonpil down by kissing him on the forehead, lips pressed on skin, with the assurance and comfort Wonpil so needed, saying everything’s okay, telling him that he’ll stay with him, that he wouldn’t leave him alone.

 

So suddenly, they both wanted to go back to those times, when it was still the two of them against the whole world, when Jae still wasn’t leaving for America, when Wonpil was still Jae’s and Jae was Wonpil’s. When Jae was still alive. When Wonpil still gives him life.

 

“I miss you,” Jae whispered. “too damn much.”

 

“You won’t leave?”

Wonpil managed to say, finally being able to breathe more comfortably under Jae’s painfully sweet kiss.

 

A spell that calmed his worn out soul, slowly healing his heart so ironically by tearing it to pieces. Jae was the poison he would gladly drink, if it meant having him within him, possessing him, owning him like he had before.

 

“I won’t. I will stay here with you. I won’t leave you alone.”

Jae said, once again in 2 years, tracing those small circles in the expanse of Wonpil’s back. This is what he knew calms Wonpil, but little did he know that it wasn’t those circles that calmed the red-hair, but Jae himself, his lips against his forehead, tears giving his hair so much more luster, his entire existence near his small figure. It was what made Wonpil feel safe, Jae’s existence and that, only.

 

“That’s w-what you promised me… before. You just broke it.”

Wonpil sobbed, letting Jae’s soft lips remain on his forehead, and his tears fall onto Jae’s chest.

 

“Why, hyung? I was the one who never promised. I was the one who broke up with you. But why was I the one who couldn’t move on? All these years, all I’ve ever loved was you. All I’ve ever wanted was you.”

Wonpil cried harder, feeling his chest get tight again. But he doesn’t care.

 

“Losing you was my greatest fear, Jae. I don’t want to lose you. But why do you want me to let you go? You told me you’ll take me back. But why didn’t you? How are you so okay? How are you so happy? How did you move on just like that? Was H-Hanwoo… better? B-Because… y-you… no one has ever… replaced you.”

 

Jae cupped Wonpil’s face as he only answered by pressing his lips even more against Wonpil’s forehead.

 

Having Wonpil cry like this, seeing him shatter like this because of him, it all felt like a sin.

 

All of the tears that Jae had been holding back for so long finally fell from his eyes, running down his cheeks and onto Wonpil’s red locks.

 

“I tried, hyung,” Wonpil sobbed again. “I tried pretending that it was all okay. I tried loving another man. Sungjin, just to forget you. I tried convincing myself that I had moved on too, because I already have Sungjin. But when he left, it all dawned on me that I’ve been alone all along. With Daehyun, with Hanbin, with Jihyun, and with Sungjin. I’m still alone all those times, because I didn’t have you then. After all, I’m still reaching out, I’m still hoping that you’ll take me back.”

 

“You say you were ready to lose me, that you had lost me, but no. You hadn’t lost me, hyung. I was the one who lost you instead. I was the only one hurt.”

Wonpil cried harder, his tears endlessly falling down onto Jae’s chest and into his heart, seeping painfully through the dead veins and arteries like blood, bringing back something which had been there from the start. Something Jaehyung chose to kill, but remained alive, persisting in the broken pieces of his heart.

 

His mind involuntarily drifted back to when he was holding Wonpil tight like this until Wonpil falls asleep, and then he would rest Wonpil’s head on his chest as he watches him sleep, and sometimes hear him softly snore. It was all beautiful. Even the way Wonpil’s deep, black eyes looked into his, speaking in a language only the two of them could understand, and always beating him in a staring contest because of how he lovingly returned all of Jae’s stares. Even the way how Wonpil’s low voice ringed in Jaehyung’s ear whenever he calls his name, or when he whispers sudden “I love you”s before grinning. Even the way Wonpil’s lips formed a curve upward on his face, eventually becoming a wide smile that showed his pearly whites. Even the way Wonpil’s laughter had sent him smiling too. Even the way Wonpil’s slightest movements made him love him too much more. It was all beautiful. So beautiful that even if Jae had tried so hard just to convince himself that he had already moved on, it made him realize how he still wants to live. It reminded him of how much he __still__  loves Wonpil.

 

So suddenly, even after killing himself, Jaehyung longed to breathe again.

 

And it was the longing, with raw and pure honesty, that he knew he couldn’t fight against. The longing which he knew couldn’t lie even if he had long choked it’s flames with the tears he had shed for Wonpil. He longed for Wonpil now even more than before, and he knows he couldn’t do anything to stop that now, that great thirst for Wonpil’s love that couldn’t be quenched, that irresistible want of just throwing his hands up at love, surrendering to the feeling that made his heart beat again in long wanted ecstasy.

 

He doesn’t want to die, doesn’t want to lose his breath after all, because Wonpil was still his breath, just like what he had always been.

 

“Wonpil.”

He said, resting his forehead on Wonpil’s while his eyes locked with the younger’s.

 

“Can I breathe again?”

 

That was the moment of epiphany, for the both of them, and as their hearts beated erratically, Jae leaned in even closer, to capture Wonpil’s lips in his, and maybe they died a little bit in that moment, in the realization that every inch of their bodies, their hearts, and their souls, were made only for each other.

 

No one else could ever fit in Jae’s arms like Wonpil, just as no one could ever fit in Wonpil’s lips like Jae.

 

“Would you, hyung?”

Wonpil said, staring so deeply in Jae’s eyes and losing himself in there, as he felt himself slowly falling, drowning in the familiar feeling of his gaze.

 

“Would you breathe again? Would you take me back, now?”

Wonpil’s eyes held the universe, and Jae could feel the whole universe asking him the question.

 

__Would he take his breath back? Would he live again? Does he love Wonpil?_ _

 

“Yes.”

 

And he definitely wouldn’t want to lose Wonpil ever again.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, I also posted this cause my My Day ass told me to. I’m still having problems in posting the chapters of Breaking The Walls but I dunno why this was posted anyway. Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this oneshot, hehe. I’m not that good at writing angsts tho, sorry if this is a mess. Just gotta write this coz this plot had been bugging me for weeks :(. Happy Friday! <3
> 
> P.S. I love Wonpil <3


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